It’s been an interesting week in Chesterfield rec league baseball. We got to see two coach ejections in the 9U age group (in different games). I guess it’s an entertaining diversion, as long as you’re not the one getting tossed. Sort of like a spontaneous halftime show with a touch of Jerry Springer thrown in.
One of the toss-ees,* our friend Coach Brad, lamented “that umpire ejected me and I never even gotten up off my bucket.”
As if that wasn’t bad enough, the umpire looked to be still in diapers… a recent preschool graduate, at best.
In thinking about all the people I’ve seen get thrown out of youth baseball games, I decided to ask a few umpire friends to share some of the more memorable comments that caused them to shake their ejection fist in the air. Here’s what I got.
1. “Hey Blue, Lens Crafters called and said your order’s ready!”
2. “Well aren’t we lucky to have Ray Charles behind the plate!”
3. “Dang, Blue! I’ve seen better eyes on a potato!”
4. “Blue, I found your cell phone! We know it’s yours because it’s got four missed calls on it.”
5. “Hey Blue, I thought only horses sleep standing up!”
6. “Hey Blue, let me know ahead of time when you’re going to call a strike so I won’t be surprised.”
7. “Strike Three! Yeah, I bet your wife says that to you all the time!”
8. UMPIRE to COACH: “Go somewhere where I can’t see you!”
COACH to UMPIRE: “How ’bout home plate!”
9. “If you had one more eye, you’d be a cyclops!”
10. “You’re missing a great game, Blue!”
RESPONSE: “Yeah, I know, but I got assigned this one.”
11. “Blue, it’s a strike zone, not an end zone!!!”
12. “Blue, isn’t your wife going to be pissed when she finds out that you’ve been here screwing us all night?”
13. “You need to go to Walmart and buy a new strike zone!”
14. (beginning of game) “So, Blue, what are you calling strikes today?”
15. “Don’t bother sweeping off the corners. You’re not calling them anyway.”
16. “I’ve had better calls from my ex-wife!”
Good stuff!!! Do you have a funny umpire story to share, tell us in the comments.
Angela is also a freelance writer known to tackle the tougher topics…like why do cat food makers shape the morsels like fish or chicken? Do cats really care? Exactly how many of something is “more than you can shake a stick at?” And then there’s her ongoing paranoia that her house smells like animals and she's gone nose blind.
WordPress says that I’m supposed to tell you a few things about myself so that you’ll want to read more of my posts. Here goes.
My name is Angela Weight. I live in Midlothian, VA with my husband James, two sons, Andrew and Jack, dogs Katie and Ayla and cat, Callie. We’re new to the area…transplants from the Dublin, GA area, where I grew up. My husband has a job that pays the bills so I can sit around and obsess about cat food shapes and how my house smells. I also have this goal of seeing all 50 states by the time I’m 50. I’m 43 now and have been to 45 of them. If you have any friends or family in Vermont, Rhode Island, Oklahoma, North Dakota or Alaska who’d like us to come visit (and maybe pay for it) let me know.
My sons (ages 16 and 11) play a ridiculous amount of baseball. If I’m not at home or out buying scented wax warmer cubes, I’m probably at a baseball field somewhere in Suburbia. In fact, I have to leave now to take Jack to practice. I’ll write more later.
Oh, another thing you need to know. We’re SF Giants fans. Crazy, fanatical Giants fans. I grew up a Braves fan, but converted when I married James who grew up in the Bay Area. That’s important.
Great! Now Jack is late for practice.
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