“You’re Outta Here!” 16 Clever Comments That Got Coaches Tossed by the Umpire

It’s been an interesting week in Chesterfield rec league baseball. We got to see two coach ejections in the 9U age group (in different games). I guess it’s an entertaining diversion, as long as you’re not the one getting tossed. Sort of like a spontaneous halftime show with a touch of Jerry Springer thrown in.

One of the toss-ees,* our friend Coach Brad, lamented “that umpire ejected me and I never even gotten up off my bucket.”

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the umpire looked to be still in diapers… a recent preschool graduate, at best.

In thinking about all the people I’ve seen get thrown out of youth baseball games, I decided to ask a few umpire friends to share some of the more memorable comments that caused them to shake their ejection fist in the air. Here’s what I got.

1. “Hey Blue, Lens Crafters called and said your order’s ready!”

2. “Well aren’t we lucky to have Ray Charles behind the plate!”

3. “Dang, Blue! I’ve seen better eyes on a potato!”

4. “Blue, I found your cell phone! We know it’s yours because it’s got four missed calls on it.”

5. “Hey Blue, I thought only horses sleep standing up!”

6. “Hey Blue, let me know ahead of time when you’re going to call a strike so I won’t be surprised.”

7. “Strike Three! Yeah, I bet your wife says that to you all the time!”

8. UMPIRE to COACH: “Go somewhere where I can’t see you!”

COACH to UMPIRE: “How ’bout home plate!”

9. “If you had one more eye, you’d be a cyclops!”

10. “You’re missing a great game, Blue!”

RESPONSE: “Yeah, I know, but I got assigned this one.”

11. “Blue, it’s a strike zone, not an end zone!!!”

12. “Blue, isn’t your wife going to be pissed when she finds out that you’ve been here screwing us all night?”

13. “You need to go to Walmart and buy a new strike zone!”

14. (beginning of game) “So, Blue, what are you calling strikes today?”

Photo Courtesy Janet Dickson

15. “Don’t bother sweeping off the corners. You’re not calling them anyway.”

16.  “I’ve had better calls from my ex-wife!”

Good stuff!!! Do you have a funny umpire story to share, tell us in the comments.



Angela Weight is a freelance writer, dedicated baseball mom, coach's wife and stray animal rescuer. Her latest book of humor essays, "Just Kidding, Not Really" can be downloaded from Amazon.com. Her family currently lives in Midlothian, VA.
About angelaweight 122 Articles
Angela Weight is a freelance writer, dedicated baseball mom, coach's wife and stray animal rescuer. Her latest book of humor essays, "Just Kidding, Not Really" can be downloaded from Amazon.com. Her family currently lives in Midlothian, VA.


  1. Coach comes out to complain on a call at the plate, says I missed it big! I let him have his say, tell him thanks as I start towards his dugout he walks with me so I turn back to sweep off the plate! He comes back and starts up again! First I told him that’s enough he had gotten his one bite at the Apple. Well he won’t shut up, so I hold up my hand and I say “Coach not 1 more word or you are out of here!” No lie he says and I quote again “you’re right Larry I apologize! So I say “that’s five you’re DONE” an did the eject signal! I was asked later why I ejected I told them he would of gone to the dugout bragging I said one more word an I got away with FIVE

  2. I was coaching a girls softball game (13-15) and the umpire called a third strike (third out) against my best hitter that bounced six inches in front of the plate. She was also my pitcher that game. In between innings, he walks over and apologizes because he thought he might have blown the last call. As my pitcher is now warming up I said “don’t apologize to me, I am not the emotional teenager who has really bad cramps and can throw 58mph with pin point accuracy. She is right there on the mound. Have a good inning blue”

  3. We had two umpires who, between early AM Saturday games, disappears for 40 minutes and cause the whole tourney to run behind.
    They proceed to stroll in casually, and nonchalantly act as if they don’t care- which instantly gets me fuming.
    I let the plate ump know I’m displeased, which sets the tone (I’m giving him an excuse here) for an honestly horrendous game by him. This is 13u AAA/Majors travel, and he is calling a foot out and in, ankles to chin. No joke. Both teams were appalled. I kept shaking my head, and he strolls over and says “One more word, and you’re gone”.
    I looked him dead in the eye… no profanity, no insults, and simply said “WORD”.

  4. I was pitching once in Louisville’s Derby City league, when there was a play at the plate and my catcher tagged the runner before the runner even got to the plate. The runner slid and ended up never even touching the plate. The umpire yelled, “SAFE!”, so the runner tried to go back to touch the plate, so my catcher tagged the runner again before he was able to touch the plate. The umpire called him “SAFE” again, to which my catcher replied, “You blind MFer!” The umpire then asked, “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!” To which my catcher now nose to nose to the umpire replied, “I called you a blind MFer, you deaf MFer!” Well, that got my catcher tossed and my 82 year old League President and Manager out of the dugout and standing directly on home plate as he gave the umpire a piece of his mind. He wasn’t out there long but he dropped the f-bomb as much as Joe Pesci in “Good Fellas”, and then the umpire ejected him! This 82 year old league president then said, “You can’t kick me out! You wanna know why?” To which the umpire actually asked, “why”? The old man (while still standing on home plate) said, ” Because you can’t kick out what you can’t see, and you haven’t saw anything above here all day!” He did leave the field, but he black balled that umpire, and he never called a game at Derby City again!

  5. Legion ball:
    3rd base coach
    Hey Blue, digging into his back pocket and pulling out a quarter. I know you want be the best ump possible. Use this, (flipping the quarter onto home plate) you will get more calls right.
    Ejected, but gotta good laugh from the fans.

  6. “I’ve seen better Blue in a Toilet!”…it came from a fan behind home plate, so I couldn’t eject them…but I did laugh on the inside.

  7. Batter watches the first two pitches go by, belt high and down the middle. Next pitch is 3″ off the outside edge just above the knees. I rung him up!
    Batter turns to me: “You just took the bat outta my hands!”
    Me: “Not a problem. You weren’t using it anyway.”

  8. Coach: “Come on, Blue. The batter was out of the box. You get paid to see that!”
    Me: I tell catcher to go talk to the pitcher. Then I tell batter no need to swing at any more pitches. Next pitch is belt high, down the middle. “Ball.”
    Coach: “Where the hell did this miss?”
    Me: “I have no idea coach. I get paid to watch his feet and they were in the box. Do you want me to keep watching his feet?”
    Coach: “No. We’re good!”

  9. Partner and I working a high school double hitter. First game I was behind the plate and ejected a player for taking out the catcher.

    We allowed the player to return in the second game. Mid way through second game the same player was on first base. Batter had a nice hit and runner scores from first. After he slid into home he popped up and made an obscene jester at the catcher. Obviously the umpire did not see it. From behind second base I started yelling “24 you are out of here”. At the same time I was running towards the dug out. Just as I was yelling “out” I passed over the foul line where the grass stops and dirt begins, I tripped sliding head first towards the dug out. Hat, glasses, seeds & counter spread all over the ground. I got up and finished kicking player out of the game very unprofessionaly. I turned around and a Coach handed me my gear. Nobody spoke to me the rest of the game. After game my partner asked me “what the hell happened out there”?

  10. Had a coach making little comments all game. All of a sudden he yells. “You two need a snickers bar” to me and other umpire when a call didn’t go his way. I turned and looked at him trying not to laugh and said. Marsha Marsha Marsha your gone. Funniest ejection I ever had.

  11. Assistant coach that I’ve known for years walks behind the fence at home and between batters says “Bob, is that the same dog you had last year or did you get a new one.” We both had a good laugh.

  12. In between innings a coach comes out to my partner and I. He says what are the six things an umpire will call during a game. Fair or Foul, Ball or Strike, Safe and whats the last one? My response was have a good night coach.

  13. I was umpiring a teenage level game (13-15). In the first inning, the coach of the better team (who I always seem to have beefs with) started running his mouth before the game had hardly gotten underway. I ignored him once. A few minutes later, he started again. Well, I sent him packing. On this particular field, ejected coaches go to the parking lot, near the park entrance. A little while later, my son arrived for his game (he was still in Little League). He saw this coach standing out by the gate, watching the game. He said, “Dad told you to coach your kids and leave him alone, didn’t he?” The coach said that he knew he was going to get run the minute I looked up the second time. The funny thing was, this coach drafted my son the next year to be on his team. I guess that would keep him in the dugout. It didn’t. Act a fool, you gotta go.

  14. My favorite has always been our coach walking off field stops turns to ump and says “it’s a shame we pay all this money for a tournament and your all they can afford” the ump just looked at him and didn’t know what to say

  15. Hey blue how far was that off the plate ?
    Blue ( holding his finger apart ) about 1.5 inches

    Coach : well how many seams was in the ball when it crossed the plate !

  16. My personal favourite actually didn’t result in an ejection as the coach was laughing as hard as the rest of us and said it with a big smile.
    It was a tournament final game, we were doing a 3 man, I was dish on a warm Sunday about 5:30 pm. Mid game, bottom of 4 with visitors down by 2 runs the visiting pitcher is trying hard to widen the zone, stretch it as far as she can. Ball called, she looks at her coach, looks at me, looks back at her coach. This is a Sr gals game, the coach with a big smile and looking at his Pitcher says ” It’s Sunday girl, the Lord givith and the umpire taketh away”. I had to call time as the batter, catcher and I were all laughing, even the pitcher had to smile [which I think was his intent].
    I wandered over to the coach at that point with a smile from ear to ear and asked him to keep a eye out for my cell phone telling him he couldn’t miss it as it had 3 missed calls on it. Now everyone is laughing. “)
    2 great teams finishing a fine tourney with a great game and a few good laughs. I love being in the ball park.

  17. Coach “can you throw me for thinking?”
    Me “no”
    Coach “well I think you stink!”
    I throw him and he says “you just said you can’t throw me for thinking!”
    Me “I’m throwing for being stupid enough to think out loud”

  18. 1.Hey Blue, you’re supposed to look between the bars.
    2.Poke some holes in that mask.
    3.After granting time I heard, “That’s the best call he made all day!”

  19. Veteran High School coach comes to me in between an inning and says:”Hey Lou, you are the 2nd best umpire that works in this League.” Almost invariably, my response is…..”Well who is the 1st best?” He replies, “Everybody else is tied for 1st!” We had a good chuckle.

  20. High School coach on the road, complaining about strikes and balls but the umpire was ignoring me. Until I yelled “you have no honor”, amazing how quick he ripped off his mask. He told me to control my assistants, I informed him it was me, he informed me where the parking lot was.

  21. i am an umpire and call a lot of competitive 14U to 18U baseball. The following occurred:
    Coach: Hey Blue, you missed that call!
    Umpire: I called it as I saw it Coach.
    Coach: In my opinion, you were wrong!
    Umpire: Coacj, opinions are like butt holes, we all have one and they all stank. Play Ball!

  22. I was calling a college game and I had a tag up on a fly ball at third base. I called the runner out for leaving to early. Needless the coach was not happy anyway I let him have his say and had turned away to go back to my position and comes the coach again I toss him and asked why I told him this wasn’t a all you eat buffet. He laughs and leaves

  23. I was umpiring a game between Fort Hays State University in Hays Kansas at Lark’s Park against Baker University. It was a region 6 qualifying game. About four innings and someone yelled before the beginning of an inning; “hey blue you must have a glass stomach.” Then someone else in an different area of the park responded; “so you can see with your head up your ass.” the batter called time the catcher and I both cracked up coach came out of the third base dugout and ask what’s going on, he didn’t hear it

  24. Umpire: “One more word, coach and you’re outta here!”
    Coach: “Oh come on, Blue. Don’t make your first good call all game be ejecting me.”

  25. Coach: Hey Ump, can you get thrown out for thinking?
    Ump: No, you can’t.
    Coach: Good because I think you stink!

  26. true story, as I am an umpire.
    Coach: I am not out here to argue blue but wanted to let you know my brother in law is an optometrist and I can get you an appointment if you need one.

  27. After questioning a call I was tossed –
    Umpire : “you’re out of here and you need to leave town!”
    Me: “You can’t throw me out of the town!!!”
    Umpire : raises his shirt and displays a deputy sheriff’s badge
    Me to our bench: “I’ll meet you at the city limits….”

  28. Former AAA skipper was coaching a very good 18U travel team. He goes out to question a call that the umpire clearly screwed up and proceeds to get tossed for being less that diplomatic. The umpire informs him that he has 3 minutes to leave the field or his team will forfeit the game. He informs the umpire that is great because he is going to chew his ass for being stupid for the next 3 minutes.

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