Editor’s Note: Just in case your list of things to be offended about is getting a little short, here’s one to add. (Yes, this is a parody…well, sort of)
This morning, as I rummaged through the half-off tags at GoodWill, I found myself singing along to John Mellencamp’s version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” on the in-store radio.
The more I sang along, the more I realized that it’s a pretty disturbing song, if you really think about it. On the surface it’s a playful tune about a child spying a moment of intimacy between his mother and the bearded man. But you don’t need a PhD to be alarmed by message it’s sending to children.
What gets me is that the boy in the song thought it was funny. FUNNY!!! He wasn’t shocked or ashamed to find Mommy in the arms of someone other than his father. He simply found the whole situation humorous. This leads me to wonder just how many times the kid has walked in on his mom making out with strange men…in their home.
It’s obviously a common occurence. The poor lad’s moral compass is so broken that he thinks nothing about Mom slipping the tongue to someone other than her husband.
The fact that it’s Santa Claus clearly impresses the child. It’s like he’s saying “You Go, Mom!!!”
Maybe Santa’s real name was John and Mommy was just making some extra cash for the holidays. Maybe Santa’s her dealer…or even her pimp. We don’t know because the song doesn’t tell us.
What we can safely assume is that Mom slings it around enough that her kid, having witnessed it time and again, is completely desensitized to her actions and even finds her whorish behavior to be a little charming.
I have to give her credit for waiting until her son is supposed to be “tucked up in his bedroom fast asleep.” But STILL. It’s outrageous. Does screwing around on your husband with a fictional character somehow become morally acceptable after the kids have gone to bed?
The last line of the song goes “oh what a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.”
Yeah, Kid, it’s always hilarious, just a huge belly laugh when men catch their wives committing adultery.
That’s the stuff cherished memories are made of. I suppose you wouldn’t be laughing if Dad had walked in with an M16 rifle. The last line of the song would have Santa returning to the North Pole in a body bag.
Or even worse yet, what if Daddy is all into that kind of thing? What if he’s turned on by catching his wife with other men? Maybe that’s what the kid thought was funny…Mommy having a threesome with Daddy and Santa Claus?
Why hasn’t Child Protective Services gotten involved? This boy should obviously be removed from the home and sent to live with a nice Quaker family.
Wake up, parents! Take a stand against the moral degradation of our country. And let’s get this song off our Christmas playlists!
Download the author’s latest humor ebook, Just Kidding, Not Really.
In Just Kidding (not really), Angela Weight unabashedly addresses those tough situations that other, more weak-kneed authors shy away from. Written with candor, sarcasm and self-deprecating wit, “Just Kidding (not really)” offers 60 laugh-out-loud essays that can easily be read during the average bathroom sitting. (Individual experiences may vary.)
Based on her blog, Sanity Waiting to Happen, Angela tackles subjects like…
-how to deal with overly chatty, naked people in locker rooms
-the perils of spot cleaning induced nicotine addiction
-homicide free methods of coping with over-zealous kindergarten moms
-making domestic arson look like an accident
-resources for feeding your denial
-gift-giving ideas for your friend Tyrone
-passive-aggressive ways to show your spouse that you care
-diarrhea free workouts to get back your pre-pregnancy body
-one hump or two…what your camel preference says about you
-what your pedicurist is really trying to tell you
-how making fun of strangers can boost your self esteem
-keeping your marriage strong in spite of differing condiment preferences
-what not to send to preschool show and tell
-how to become “that neighbor”
-ways to feel younger without getting arrested
-product warning labels to make you feel superior
-kid friendly locust recipes
-enjoying Disney theme parks without narcotics
-playing hardball with morticians
-setting up a savings plan for your child’s psychotherapists and bail bondsmen
…and many more
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