DISCLAIMER: If you’re easily offended, overly sensitive or feel the need to argue with everything you read on social media, you might want to skip this one. Actually, please do skip it.
Let’s face it. Sometimes the best entertainment at our kids’ baseball and softball games doesn’t come from the game itself. It’s the off-color commentary from semi-ornery, overly truthful parents and grandparents that stick in our memories long after the last out was made. Over the past few weeks, I’ve heard a few that were too good not to share.
1. “We haven’t had to do any fundraisers since Jamie started putting that swear jar outside the dugout every game. Heck, we’ve almost got Ripken paid for.
2. “$20 a person to get in and they ain’t even got batteries in the scoreboard!”
3. (to a kid recovering from a batting slump) “Congratulations, Son! You remembered where second base is!”
4. “Blue, you need to ask for help! FROM THE LORD!”
5. “Check out that kid’s knuckle ball! What’d the radar say? 7, maybe 9 mph?”6. “I really hate it when both sets of parents have to share the same bleachers and I have to be nice.”
7. (when two local teams wound up at the same out of town tournament) “Well, if we can’t beat ’em at home, what idiot thought we could beat ’em 300 miles away at a $1,200 tournament, payin’ for two nights in a hotel room!”
8. “You know you’re a bad person when you miss your kid scoring because you were busy taking a photo of another mom’s shorts so you could send it to your friend to make fun of.”
9. (when a runner was easily out trying to steal third) “No, the coach didn’t send him. He went on his own. His mama forgot to give him his Ritalin this morning.”
10. “No, Son. You’re not changing teams because I don’t have the energy to get to know a whole new group of parents.
11. “That’s another strike out. But, hey! He’s 10 for 10 in water bottle flips.”
12. “Dang! I hate it when I accidentally cheer for the kid on deck instead of the batter.”13. “We said Rally CAPS! Not Rally CUPS!”